Saturday, July 25, 2009

Is this a good poem? Trustful comments, please.?

It's called "What a Men Would Do For A Women"





After months of being away.


A husband woken up really early,


Hardly getting any sleep,


And drove to the nearest flower store


To buy a dozen bouquets of a dozen flowers.


He had just found out that his wife was alright


After a car crash that nearly took her life.


After he brought a dozen bouquets of a dozen flowers,


He drove to a chocolate store


And bought a whole lot of chocolate.


Then,he drove to a teddy bear store nearby.


There,he bought one three foot tall teddy bear,


With the arms holding a heart in the front of the bear that said "I love you"


And twelve mini teddy bears.


He then drove back home.


At his house,


He set the kitchen table up:


Against the wall with the three foot teddy bear in the middle of the table,


The twelve mini teddy bears surrounded the three foot bear,


With the eleven of the dozen bouquets of flowers.


The chocolate was spread out between the spots that had nothing in them.

Is this a good poem? Trustful comments, please.?
I don't really see this as a poem; It's more a little story with awkward line breaks. Too many extraneous words for a poem.





I like (most of) the text of the card that you added in the "additional details" section. That's maybe closest to poetry.





Overall, I'd present this as a prose work. In that case it's pretty good, though I'd like to see some kind of resolution of the scene. How does the wife respond?
Reply:a poem belongs to god


and a poem is not what that person said, because he knows what others think, so ill tell you.,


a poem,


is a reason that people can remember that words really are representing something else, and a poem , is kinda like,. the reason your hand and arm and couch, and a word all look alike, and poele act like they are completely diffrent things, so a poem should sound like this








i made this to read


and i let my pen bleed
Reply:o.k well, i absulutly loved it, however, its more of a love story than a poem, but other than that, its been the greatest one i`ve ever heard in my whole life, no kidding, and a personal oppinion is that u should start writting your own stories like that and see where it can take you. if u do take my suggestion, then good luck, even though i doubt that you`lle need it, bye!
Reply:A Poem is anything with meaning put into words.





Normally I would scoff, and insult you, however I felt meaning in this poem.





I just felt it was more of a story rather then an actual poem, sorry.





I enjoyed it however.



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