Can someone help me make a conclusion for this essay? and correct any mistakes? please?

My home and family are really important to me. My home is where I grew up. A place where all my family co-exists and eats dinner every Sunday. My home is a unique place.


My home is a typical house as all houses around my block with palm trees by the streets, entrance yard surrounded by a fence and a driveway in front of the garage. My house has two bedrooms, one bath, a large garage, a front yard with a small colorful vivid garden and a driveway. My home is always semi–clean, dishes are always washed, trash always taken out and the wood floor is always broom but there is dust on furniture, TV, on pictures and portraits. In the garage is where my family stores all our material belongings, such as old furniture, TVs, bicycles and clothes that we don’t like or wear. The living room is ample, it has two leather soft brown sofas, a dinner table, a cabinet with a TV on top, two small tables around the large sofa, portrait of a flower and pictures on top of the middle table and paste on the wall. My room which is my favorite part of the house is always neat and clean and smells like Hawaiian breeze because of an air freshener. My room is like my sanctuary because is where I can relax, have peace and privacy.


My family is one of the typical Mexican families. We go to church, celebrate important dates such as “Las Posada” (Mexican Christmas Ceremony), Thanksgiving and Christmas. My family is really compatible and hardworking. My mom is a hard worker, brave, and strong. She has been a dad and a mom to me at the same time; she has been the only one that been there for me, the only one that has work for me and my siblings, to give us a better life and the only person that has preoccupied about us. She had even worked up to twelve hours a day to set a roof over our heads. My step-dad is a serious and earnest person, he doesn’t like to drink, doesn’t likes fast food nor go to parties but he likes to watch the soccer game and spend time with the family. In contrast of my 19 year old brother, which he lives in Mexico, he’s an alcoholic, loves to go to parties, likes clubbing and spends time with his friends instead of his family. My younger sister Leslie is annoying, stubborn and messy. She never listens to me, she always do the contrary of what I say.


My favorite part my family is when we all co-exists including my aunts, uncles, and cousins. We all gather to go to church, eat dinner, and watch a soccer game or a movie. In my family women make the dinner but when they all work my uncles and my step-dad make dinner, they take turns. When my uncles and step-dad cooks they always make carne asada, the only food that they can cook well. Whereas my mom and aunts cook different sort of food such as shrimp soup or “birria”, which is a goat meat. When all my naughty little cousins assemble its like a commotion in a hallway, they scream, talk loud and dance, making a big mess all around the house, jumping on the couches like frogs, playing with toys and leaving them on the ground, and hanging on the entrance fence like monkeys on monkey bars.


My family is really important to me because from there is where I get all my strength to go forward in life. With out them by my side I could not be what I am today. I would do anything for them. From them is where I get support, love and advice. I belief that with out family and love we would not be able to live or progress in life.

Can someone help me make a conclusion for this essay? and correct any mistakes? please?
where you say "always broom" I believe it should be always broomed. You do say My home too many times try beginning the sentence with something like my parents... my sisters... my brothers... help keep my house clean. etc etc. Another good way to not say "my home" is "we always keep my house..." "sometimes we..." "Occasionally..."





"My room is like my sanctuary because is where I can relax, have peace and privacy." consider revising this. to something like this "my room is like my sanctuary because it is where I can relax, be peaceful and have privacy"





also here, "she has been the only one that [has] been there for me"





"the only person that has preoccupied about us." Preoccupied I believe is not the word for this statement.





"She [has] even worked "


"to watch soccer [games]"


"[who] he lives in Mexico,"


"she always [does] the contrary of what I say."


"My favorite part [of] my family"


"Whereas[,] my mom"


"from there is where I get all my strength" change to "I get all my strength to move forward in life from them."


"From them is where I get support, love and advice" change to "I get support, love and advice from my family,"





Pretty much, the last paragraph you have here is a conclusion and a pretty good conclusion. Just need to check your grammar throughout the essay. You also need to check your tenses as you tend to talk about the past but use present tense in a couple of your sentences.





hope this is help and for the changes to the sentences those are just suggestions.
Reply:First of all take out: My home is where I grew up.


that is an obvious statement


Start the next sentence with My home is a place...


You start alot of your sentences with 'my home' as well. Try to mix it up.



beauty