Can Some one please revise my essay?

Is this essay descriptive? what do u suggest? I did indent but it doesnt shows here





My family and home are really important to me. My home is a typical regular house as all houses are around my block. My house is a place where all my family


co-exist peacefully and eat dinner every Sunday and watch a soccer game or a movie on television. My house and family are really special to me.


I live in a typical house, similar to all houses around my block. There are palm trees by the streets, entrance yard surrounded by a fence and a driveway in front of the garage. My house has two bedrooms, one bath, a large garage, a front yard with a small colorful vivid garden and a driveway. We always try to keep my house clean, dishes are always washed, and trash always taken out and the wood floor is always swept. However, sometimes there is dust on furniture, TV, on pictures and portraits. In the garage is where my family stores unused material belongings, such as old furniture, TVs, bicycles and clothes that we don’t like or wear no longer. The living room is ample, it has two leather soft brown sofas, a dinner table, a cabinet with a TV on top, two small tables beside the large sofa, a portrait of a flower and pictures on top of the middle table and pasted on the wall. My room, (which is my favorite part of the house) is always neat and clean and smells like Hawaiian breeze because of an air freshener. My room is like my sanctuary because it is where I can relax, be peaceful and have privacy.


My family is one of the typical Mexican families. We go to church, celebrate important dates such as “Las Posadas” (Mexican Christmas Ceremony), Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mother is a hard worker, brave and strong. She has been both a father and a mother to me at times. She has been the only person that has been there for me, that has worked for my siblings and I to give us a better life, and that has worried about us. She has even worked up to twelve hours a day to bring food to the table and provide a roof for us to sleep under. My step-father is a serious and earnest person; he doesn’t like to drink, doesn’t like fast food or going to parties but he likes to watch the soccer games and spend time with family. In contrast, my 19 year old brother, who lives in Mexico, likes to drink, loves going to parties, likes clubbing and likes to spend time with his friends. My younger sister, Leslie, is annoying, stubborn and messy. She never listens to me; she always does the opposite of what I say, but I still love her.


My favorite part of my family is that we all co-exist peacefully and cheerfully including my aunts, uncles, and cousins. We all gather up to go to church, eat dinner, and to watch soccer games or a movie at night. In my family, women make the dinner but when they all work my uncles and my step-father make dinner, they take turns. When my uncles and step-father cook, they always cook “carne asada”, that is the only food that they can cook well. Whereas, my mother and aunts cook different sort of food such as shrimp soup or “birria,” which is goat meat. When all my naughty little cousins assemble, it is like a commotion in a hallway, they scream, talk loud and dance, they make a big mess all around the house, jumping on the couches like frogs, playing with toys and leaving them on the ground, and hanging on the entrance fence like monkeys on monkey bars.


My family and home are really important to me because that’s were all the ambitions, motivations and reasons to live are born and where the good examples are set for us to follow. It is like the biggest block at the bottom of the pyramid and without it we cannot get to the apex or the very top of the pyramid where our goals are placed for us to reach and thanks to god our families are there to help us climb. With out them by my side I could not be where I am today.


My family and home forms a great part of my life. I believe that with out family and love we would not be able to live or progress in life and we would all perish. Family is the strength and motivation to keep us moving forward in life.

Can Some one please revise my essay?
First you say "My home is a typical regular house as all houses are around my block. " Why is it typical? and then you say "I live in a typical house, similar to all houses around my block. " This whole first paragraph is not dicriptive at all. By saying that the dishes are done and there is sometimes dust makes it sound typical and not discriptive.





I would say something like "I live in Brown house...on a street of mostly brown houses. The difference between my house is the cobblestone walkway and the bird feeder outside." Just an example.





What fabric are your sofas? What colors are the inside of your house? what color is the flower in the painting.





when you are going to describe something think about a bunch of words to describe that one thing...





Like "my mother is a strong brave and hard working Mexican woman. Her dark hair is long and shiny even when she is scrubbing the hard wood floors of our one-story house."





Good work!
Reply:this is very descriptive, but you have to change some of the words, such as "my house" you say it about 4 times in the first paragraph, say something like "it also has two bedrooms..." hopefully you get what im saying, i just think your overusing the word "my house"



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